College Football

I am currently watching Arizona play Toledo. It’s not a particularly compelling game but it is football. After the long off-season it feels like a breath of fresh air. This year I’ve given more time than usual to thinking through which teams I despise the most. The reason I put it this way is that most of my rooting decisions are based on who I’d like to see lose.

My criteria are slightly convoluted, but here they are:

1. How much has a team won? Recent national championship winners are always on my Root Against list. As are programs who consider it a disaster to lose three games in a season.

2. Where is the team from? If a team benefits from consistently amazing weather I tend to smile on their demise. Does your team play in LA? Florida? I hope you lose. Wisconsin? Minnesota? Blessings upon you.

3. How arrogant/morally bankrupt does the head coach/quarterback/random booster appear? Currently Nick Saban, Lane Kiffin, and Houston Nutt head this list.

Those are the basic criteria and they range in importance depending on the how I’m feeling on a particular day. One day might see a team’s arrogance earning it my ire despite the fact that it’s playing a traditional powerhouse I regularly root against.

Here is my general ranking of how much I dislike each team with several brief explanations. The list goes from most to least repugnant.

1. Alabama- The perfect trifecta. An amazing combination of a lying coach, history of winning, and a recent national championship. Although to be fair, the only real Alabama fan I know is quite reserved about her team’s dominance.

2. The rest of the SEC- This is largely due to the unending bleating of most SEC fans that only their conference really plays football. Textbook arrogant idiocy and if every SEC team could somehow loose every game I would be one happy camper.

3. Ohio State- The recent humblings have been appreciated, but a good team this year and Buckeye fans will be back louder than ever.

4. Michigan- A few years ago they would have been higher than Ohio State. Nothing against Rich Rodriguez but a few more down years for the Maize and Blue would suit me just fine.

5. Oklahoma- Somehow they bug me more than Texas. Not sure why.

6. Nebraska- I still remember some significant losses they handed the Huskies. It disturbs me to see them playing well again.

7. Texas- I love the logo, but that’s just too much winning for one team.

8. Notre Dame- It’s hard for me to hate a team that really doesn’t win that much but Charlie Weiss knew how to make that happen. I might tolerate them better now that he’s gone.

9. The rest of the Big Ten

10. The rest of the Big Twelve

11. Everyone Else

12. Pac 10 teams- as a dedicated Pac-10 fan I will even root for USC when they play non-conference games. I realize this is a gross violation of every one of my above criteria. Sorry. Here’s my ranking of Pac-10 teams with the most to least loathable.

USC

UCLA

Oregon

Oregon State

Stanford

Cal

Arizona

Arizona State

Washington State

Washington

I realize I've given altogether too much thought to this, but thanks for sticking with me.